The microsecond that can make all the difference in the world

“Hey, Peter, I want to talk to you about your behavior in the last meeting.”

We hear this and immediately go into fight or flight mode. The hair on our arms raises just a bit and our blood pressure goes up. We noticeably grimace.

Why do we have these types of visceral reactions? Pattern recognition.

Situations can often trigger negative memories from the past, even if the person triggering you wasn’t involved.

A boss says something like the statement above and all of a sudden you have a flashback to a previous manager you feel was overly critical of you on a regular basis. So, in that microsecond, you go into a defensive crouch.

Imagine if you had kept listening.

“Hey, Peter, I want to talk to you about your behavior in the last meeting. I've noticed a positive change in how you communicate and involve different stakeholders. I'm really pleased because that's one of the things that you and I have talked about in recent months.”

“Oh… thanks.” 😳

Once again, if you had just held on for a beat, you would have gained a more reflective experience. Life would be infinitely easier if we all learn to take that beat.

Conversations become deeper, more insightful and more productive. As humans, we're really not using the facility that we have available to us, which is the most powerful CPU in the known universe, because we quickly jump down the same neural pathways we’ve built over our lives.

Pausing feeds our brain oxygen. When I had my epiphany moment that led me to writing my novel (more about that another time), it was because I fed my mind some fresh O2 and all of a sudden, magic happened.

Let’s say I have a team member who has been unsatisfied with a policy they want changed at the company and has brought it up with me several times. The moment that person leans into my doorway and asks if they can chat, there are two ways I can go.

Option one is to think: “Oh no, here we go again, discussing the same topic.” Option two is to take that beat and really listen to the person. Maybe I’ll hear something differently because I slowed down and opened myself up to better receive what they have to say.

Or even if I ultimately say no, if the team member truly feels like they have been heard, there’s a higher chance the issue will be put to bed.

I was recently on an executive retreat and got the opportunity to spend time hiking with the CEO of a $20 billion multinational company with over 70,000 employees. And I could feel immediately that his level of empathy was off the charts good.

This man probably says no to dozens of things each week. But I can guarantee you that people always feel like they were heard. My conversation with him showed him to be someone who is calm, careful, collective, reflective and measured.

It’s something I’ve increasingly brought to my interactions with others since meeting him.

Thanks for reading and have a terrific week.

Peter

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